In this two-part blog, we’re going to dig into the idea of confidence, what it means, and how mindset can have a huge impact on confidence in the short-term AND the long term. 

The Challenge: Facing the Day

I was originally going to title this “Resetting Your Confidence Each Morning” when I realized that that title presupposed that you started each day from a position where either:

1. your confidence got pummeled the day before, or

2. you had enough confidence that it could be reset (versus generally having low self-confidence)

So I had to rethink my language...and, as a result, my approach.

This is a good thing.  In fact, it’s a necessary thing if what you’re trying to do is to connect with people (which I am always attempting to do).  

I decided that it was more helpful - and frankly more positive - to look at every morning as an opportunity to bolster and enhance your confidence.  That way, whatever stage you find yourself on, in the Confidence Journey, you will be well-equipped.  Winna Winna Chicken Dinna.

My proposal is simple: Commit to yourself that you will take the next SEVEN DAYS and apply these five simple tools.  If you’re a journaler, perhaps try a pre-and post-journey reflection.  I’d be super-interested to hear your successes, observations, reflections, breakthroughs, and anything else you want to share!

The Players

My analogy for this (if you follow me, you KNOW I love metaphors and analogies, images and visualizations!!) activity is a sporting event.  Now, full disclosure: I’m perhaps the least athletic person you will ever meet.  Seriously.  My only ‘sports’ are ‘Theatre Sports’ (which is (a) a real thing and(b) something I kick ass at).

I chose this idea for a couple of reasons: like so many things in life, if you can reframe or make something into a game, it’s more fun, you get better results, more engagement, more ability to create memories/learn, the whole kit-and-kaboodle (don’t believe me?? 

Ever turned to feed a child into a game of airplane or choo-choo?  Ever put on music and pretended you were a rockstar while cleaning your house??  No, that one’s just me?  Well, I think you get the point).

Anyways, who are the “Players” in this Confidence Game?  (not to be confused with a ‘con game’, btw).  Obviously, YOU are a player.  Duh.  But WHO or WHAT else is in the game?

Well, Confidence, for one.  I’m defining confidence as the combination of belief in self (worth beyond external measures), ability to adapt, a spirit of resilience and an attitude of possibility and joy.

Oy, you say.

OK, a little more clarity?  Sure.

• Belief in Self is an innate, intrinsic, and unshakeable sense that you have immeasurable value by virtue of your existence.  It is not tied to accomplishments, validation, status, appearance, or approval.
• Ability to Adapt is a deep knowledge that no matter the circumstances that appear or change, you have the ability to innovate, create, react, accept, or otherwise embrace the situation.
• A Spirit of Resilience is the sense that you are bendable but not breakable, and that you have the capabilities and capacity to ‘bounce’.
• An Attitude of Possibility and Joy means you are open to the opportunities that new (and often difficult) situations hold within them the seeds for transformation, and that you will meet those moments with respect for yourself and your ability to manifest your own best outcome.

Better?  Good.

So, confidence is a player, as are you.  Is that it?  What about other people? you ask.  Nope.  They’re not players.  They - for our purposes - are obstacles on the field.  Will they try to affect gameplay?  You betcha.  Will you let them?  Well, we’re about to get to that.

The Field

The ‘Field’ is better known as reality.  But there’s a little trickiness in this one, and I encourage you to be wary.

If you were playing a game on the court (let’s take, for instance, tennis), and there is more than one court in the enclosure, you are potentially impacted by that situation, right?  Others can be playing games on either side of you.

Does it matter that they are there?  Well, that depends, doesn’t it?

There are at least two factors that need to be considered, I think:

1. First, are you distracted by the game play on the other court(s)?

2. Are those other players’ games infringing upon your game (like, the ball keeps coming onto your court)?

Both instances have analogues for us: In the first instance, humans are great (every sarcasm intended) at concerning themselves with things that are outside their scope.  It’s lovely to be ‘concerned’, but you need to be cautious about the cost. 

When we consider reality for our game, we have to be super-clear on which court is ours.  Perhaps you are dwelling on what your colleagues will say about your outfit? (besides the fact it is none of their damn business)  Maybe you are projecting ahead to a project two months down the road (you’re not on that field yet)?  

The trick is to analyze the situation (but not overanalyze!!) to determine what matters now.  In other words, what field are we playing on TODAY?

In the second instance (when others’ balls come onto our court), yes, it can be an annoyance and a distraction if you permit it.  Also, it’s an excellent illustration of the power - and necessity - of boundaries. 

Sometimes you need to delineate your boundaries extra-clearly (even when they’re already painted on the court); other times you need to keep your eye on your game, and tune out those that would distract you from your game.

 Sometimes people come and make you move courts.  Shit happens.

Know your field.  Stay on your field.

Game Play

Everyone starts the day with some sort of vibe - might be time-blocked to the minute, could be a ‘just rolled out of bed, not sure what’s next’ kinda day.  Doesn’t matter.  The fact is, planning or not, you really don’t know what’s going to happen on this day.  Or any day.  Not really.

So, the basics of gameplay are a direct reflection of the definition of confidence: self-belief, adaptability, resilience, openness to possibility, and joy.

Easier said than done, am I right?

In the future, I’ll dedicate space to conversations about improvisation and impromptu skills and the powerhouse effects they can have on your life and lifestyle, but for now, let’s roll with confidence, shall we?  

The greatest challenge about confidence is keeping yourself in that space/mindset. 

If you are in that mindset or you can get yourself into that mindset, it can then be a grand ol’ game of keep away - as in “keep away the game’s shit from affecting the players (you and confidence)”.

So, that shit can be other players (family, friends, neighbours, colleagues). 

It can be social media and news media (anyone else goes down a complete rabbit hole when the US government was in crisis in January 2021?). 

It can be your own external shit, like focusing on things outside the current game/field.  It can be worrying about your game outfit, for heaven’s sake.  

The purpose of the game is to get through the entire day while keeping your confidence intact.  In a perfect world, you’d even increase your overall store of confidence (but NOT to the point of obnoxiousness - that’s when you’ve crossed over into ‘cocky’, and it’s NOT what we’re gunning for here).

While the tools I’m going to share are applicable for any stage of the game, we’re going to limit the conversation - this time - to the start of the game.

Okay?  Okay.

But not ‘til next time….

See you next week!

xo d

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